What starts in a letter F and ends in a letter K?

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem?'
Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd
grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade
too!'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back
to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he
agreed to take the test.

Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Harry: '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Harry: '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd gr ader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, '1. What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: '2. What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
(The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!)
Harry: 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks: '3. What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Harry: 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks:4. What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Harry: 'Coconut.'
(The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.)

Ms. Brooks: '5. What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?'
(The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, )
Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks: '6. What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Harry: 'Shake hands.'
(The principal was trembling.)

Ms. Brooks: '7. What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Harry: 'Firetruck.'
(The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher)

Principal:'Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....'

Love Songs in Filipino

1. Don't Let Me Be The Last To Know! - Huwag Mo Kong Gawing Tanga!
2. You Should Know By Now - Alam Mo Na Dapat Ngayon Yan.
3. Sometimes When We Touch - Minsan Kapag Tayo'y Naghihipuan
4. Touch Me In The Morning - Hipuan Mo Ko Sa Umaga
5. Stairway To Heaven - Mula Paa Hanggang Singit
6. Hurt So Good - Array, ang Sarrap!
7. Total Eclipse Of The Heart - Maitim Ang Puso
8. I Left My Heart In San Francisco - Wala akong Puso ngayon
9. King And Queen Of Hearts - Tong-itan at pusuyan!
10. Pretty Woman - AKO yun o kaya'y di ikaw yun!
11. Hey Jude - Hoy Hudas! Barabas!
12. Power Of Love - Buntis
13. How Deep Is Your Love - Gaano Kalalim ang sa iyo
14. Three Times A Lady - Super Bakla
15. More Than A Woman - Tomboy (T-Bird)
16. Can't Be With You Tonight - Meron Ako Ngayon

Pinoy Weakest Link Part II

Host: What "N"(narra) is the Nat'l tree of the Phils?
Contestant: niyog?
Host: Mas matigas pa diyan
Contestant: (in a strong-sounding voice) NIYOG!!!
============
Host: Saang "B" (bagumbayan) binaril si Jose Rizal?
Contestant: sa Back?
Host: O sige, pwede rin na ang simula ay letter "L" (luneta)
Contestant: Likod?
Host: hindi pa rin. Para mas madali, "R.P." ang initials ng
Modern name niya (Rizal park)
Contestant: Rear Part? (susme!likod pa rin yun!!)
=============
Host: Saang "B" (beach) tayo Madalas pumunta pag summer upang maligo?
Contestant: Banyo?
Host: Hinde,pag pumunta ka dun, maaarawan ka.
Contestant: Bubong?
Host: Hinde, marami kang makikita duong mga babaeng Naka-bikini.
Contestant: BEERHOUSE!

Pinoy Weakest Link

Host: Anong "L" (Lifeguard)ang tawag sa tao na sumasagip sa iyo pag ikaw ay nalulunod?
Contestant: Lifeboy?
Host: Hindi, pero kahawig nga ng pangalan ng sabon angpangalan ng taong ito
Contestant : Safeguard?
Host:Hindi, pagsamahin mo yung dalawang sagot mo.
Contestant: Safe Boy?
Host: Hindi siya "boy" at matipuno nga ang kaniyang katawan.
Contestant: Si MR. CLEAN!
==========
Host: Anong "S" (salbabida) ang ginagamit na Floatation device sa dagat upang hindi ka malunod?
Contestant: Sirena?
Host: Hinde! Hindi ito babae.
Contestant: Siyokoy?
Host: Hindi ito Lalake.
Contestant: Siyoke?
===========
H: What "S" (sampaguita)is the nat'l flower of the Phils?
C: Sunflower?
H: Hindi. Binebenta ito sa Kalye.
C: Stork?
H: Hindi. Bulaklak sabi eh.
C: Sitsarong bulaklak?
H: Hindi pa rin. It ends with a letter "A"
C: Sitsarong bulaklak na may sukA?
H: O, para madali, uulitin ko ang clues at dadagdagan ko pa!
Ano ang pangalan ng bulaklak na nagsisimula sa "S", nagtatapos sa letrang "A" at kapangalan ng isang sikat na
singer?!
C: si..Sharon CunetA!

Weakness

Sa loob ng mall....
GUY: love, yan ang dati kong girlfriend.
JOWA: ang pangit pangit naman!
GUY: wala akong magagawa, yan talaga ang weakness ko

An alcoholic son's letter to his Dad

Beer dad,

Gin na 'ko mag-iinom whisky kelan man.
Tanduayan mo yan.

Your son,
Miguel.

ENGLISH TAGALOG DICTIONARY

1) Contemplate - kulang ang mga pinggan
2) Punctuation - pera para maka-enrol
3) Ice Buko - nagtatanong kung ayos na ang buhok
4) Tenacious - sapatos na pang tennis
5) Calculator - tawagan kita mamaya
6) Devastation - sakayan ng bus
7) Protestant - Tindahan ng prutas
8) Statue - Ikaw ba yan?
9) Tissue - Ikaw nga!
10) Predicate - Pakawalan mo ang pusa
11) Dedicate - Pinatay ang pusa
12) Aspect - Pantusok o pandurog ng yelo
13) Deduct - Ang pato
14) Defeat - Ang paa (ng pato?)
15) Detail - Ang buntot (ng pato?)
16) Deposit - Gripo (Call DIPLOMA if DEPOSIT is leaking)
17) City - Bago mag-utso; A number to follow 6
18) Cattle - Doonnakatila ang Hali at Leyna
19) Persuading - Unang Kasal
20) Depress - Ang nagkasal sa PERSUADING
22) Defense - Ginamit ng mga pangsulat sa kontrata sa PERSUADING
23) It Depends - Kainin mo ang bakod
24) Shampoo - Bago mag-labing-isha (11)
25) Delusion - Maluwang (kapag maluwang ang damit, eh DE-LUS-ION)
26) Delivery - Walang bayad. Kapag working lunch, eh DELIVERY na ang tanghalian
27) Profit - Patunayan mo
28) Balance Sheet - What comes out after eating a balance diet
29) Backlog - bacon saka egg
30) Beehive - magpakatino ka
31) CD-ROM - tingnan mo ang kwarto
32) Debug - ang ipis
33) Defrag - ang palaka
34) Defense - ang bakod
35) Defer - ang balahibo
36) Deflate - ang plato
37) Detest - ang eksamin
38) Devalue - 'yon ang susunod sa letrang V
39) Devote - ang boto
40) Dilemma - brownout!, a!
41) Effort - 'dun nagla-land ang efflane
42) Forums - apat na kwarto
43) July - nagsinungaling ka ba?
44) Liturgy - what comes after litur F
45) Thesis - ito ay